Happy 26th birthday to me. I’m getting old … I can tell. It’s depressing to hit that age where you finally don’t want to age anymore. So I’m celebrating via blog post, BuzzFeed-style, with some lists and gifs. Hopefully my fellow 20-somethings can relate.
1. You get excited – like really excited – about awesome sales at the supermarket.
Dented cans are half price. Microsoft just went down 3 points. We gotta save money.
2. Shopping for pots and pans is way more fun than shopping for clothes.
Who needs new shoes when you can buy a $256 pot that can go seamlessly from stove to oven AND cook your coq au vin evenly throughout!?
3. You think spending $98 on sweatpants is a good investment.
And wearing them to work as “leggings” is totally acceptable. I mean, they’re designer loungewear.
4. The TV shows you spent your childhood watching are now on TV Land.
They don’t make TV shows like this anymore … literally.
5. The girls in high school that had babies – their kids are going to your elementary school now.
and you’ll be like …
6. You’re starting to think of your college years as part of your “youth”…
yet you’re still paying it off.
7. Now you look down on high schoolers in disgust.
Those damn kids haven’t experienced anything in life yet.
8. But babies aren’t so bad.
The term “knocked up” no longer applies to your age group.
9. Your intolerance for stupid people knows no bounds.
Please don’t speak to me if you don’t know how to properly conjugate verbs.
10. When you learn something new, you immediately wonder why you haven’t learned it already in the past 20+ years.
Older and wiser.
11. When you hear of friends dating someone in their 30’s you don’t even react.
Oh so he’s like our age?
12. Social media is just exhausting.
Remember when you WANTED more virtual friends?
13. Alcohol hates you.
And hangovers now last a week.
14. Yet you still can’t seem to remember that when someone offers you free drinks.
Memory loss is a side effect of both aging and alcohol.
15. You cry when you least expect it over totally ridiculous things like commercials.
An abused puppy with mange directly followed by a deployed army dad returning home to surprise his kids? I’m swearing off non-DVR television. And screw you, Sarah McLachlan!
16. When you realize you don’t have plans for the weekend you jump for joy and don’t tell any of your friends in case they ruin it.
Friday night Game of Thrones marathon, in bed by 10pm? COUNT ME IN!
17. You’ve gotten so used to saying that you’re broke, that you continue to say it, even if it’s no longer true.
You still want to keep every dime you have because you had to work for it.
18. You start calculating how much you’ll need for retirement.
And asking yourself ridiculously grown-up questions like “what’s my net worth?” I mean, we Millenials aint gettin’ no social security!
19. But you’re ready to retire now.
Counting down the days…
20. Body parts start hurting. No reason provided.
This is aging.
21. You find it increasingly less necessary to provide a reason for not doing something.
I don’t wanna. Now go away.
22. And saying what’s on your mind is okay now, because you’re a confident adult.
Plus, I’m always right.
23. Politics start to make you really mad.
Because you’re an adult and you pay taxes, damn it.
24. Nostalgia feels like a disease that gets worse with every birthday.
It’s like reverse dementia.
25. You feel like you’re getting wiser…
and life makes a little more sense.
26. But overall, you start learning who you really are…and you’re pretty much okay with it.
Because after all, isn’t that what growing up is all about!?
Cheers to 26 more years of good times, great friends, and memories to last a lifetime!